At some point in my career, I have expected the day will finally come when I would have to say goodbye to my students, the school and my colleagues. However, surprisingly, the events transpiring (not related to transpiration) in the last few months have made that journey to that crossroads to come much, much sooner than I've anticipated.
All throughout the year, I am torn between continuing to teach and answering a long-overdue call to pursue a Master of Engineering (M.Eng) by research under supervision of my former examining professor. To me, it is the case of the head versus the heart. Teaching my Sec 3s this year and Night Classes for Sec 4 weaker Bio pupils, I'm beginning to realize I would never survive doing an M.Eng on a part-time basis if I were to continue teaching. Its just not humanly possible. 
Most of a teacher's weekends are burnt setting papers, marking homework or practicals, preparing notes and slides, settling admin matters for the form class, and then there's CCAs scheduling and paperwork and to top it all off, Standing Com duties. Thats what my head told me. The cold, hard truth, unmoving. But the truth nonetheless. Sad but true, lah.
My heart though, was a bit more persuasive. When I thought about the time Yi Long and Ye Jie wrote that simple card urging me to take a break when I was carrying on the lesson with mucus continuously free-flowing out of my nose and coughing, my eyes brimmed with tears.
When I found out that some of my Bio students were staying back in school to study cos its not conducive to do so at home, my heart really goes out to them and that gave me the spirit to persevere because if my students have not given up on themselves, how can I, a teacher, give up? My students are trying their best! Am I not proud, regardless of results?
When Yong Shun cracked that lame joke about lactic acid and oxygen debt during a Bio lesson just after being (tortured) during PE (although I know thats just an excuse to let them rest!), it made me smile. 
Alas, something that I've taught finally got into their heads.I'm overjoyed. But I've never shown it, I guess.
When I heard that the more-able of my students are helping the weaker ones, I'm at a loss for words.
Truth be told, I have learnt so much more about life and what being a human being is all about from my own pupils...more than all the Biology they could possibly learn from me or from the notes or the textbooks in the world. Let me tell you, it truly is a humbling experience, because these things cannot be measured by A1s, A2s, MSG or any statistics for that matter. It got me thinking that life is not JUST about achieving the target MSG for each class and each student: Its about bringing out what is inherently human in all of us. As Mr Png puts it, "Kindness begets kindness". I couldnt agree more.
However, I also know this for sure: an offer for a higher degree will never come my way again if I dont take it now, while my brain can still evaluate complex integrals in four 25-marks essay questions which is the horrific torture NUS called the "Masters Qualifying Exam". And so my alternative is obvious: I requested a transfer to MOE HQ as an MXO after knowing I passed the qualifying exam. That was more than 2 months ago, I reckon. (Yes, I have been suffering in silence to keep that from my students and my close colleagues). Hopefully, I'd have more time to spare to pursue that dream while finishing the remainder of my bond with MOE. After that, then what? I honestly don't know what the future holds for me after M.Eng.
But what I do know is that I am going to miss teaching in JVS, my trusted colleagues who have supported me through thick and thin, especially Vincent (Kan), Sheree (Gan) and Priya. But above all else, I will miss going into their form classes would-be-4A, 4B and 4C for the day's lesson next year. All that would probably be left of my teaching memories with them would be the echoes of laughter in the learning centre (Thank you, 4B, 4C), groans, comical retorts (mostly by the ever-irritating Hong Wei, 4C), images of failures shedding tears, breakages of glassware in Lab 6 (including thermometers! Thats how I shall remember Brian Sham! hehe) and the sincere (sinister?) smiles. Every single one of these will be a part of me when I leave the school. My pupils, you will be sorely missed. I'm sorry I couldnt keep my promise to you that I would see you through until your O levels. But please know this: Although my journey with you ends here, I have never regretted every single moment that was spent teaching all of you, for in truth, I have learnt so much more about life seeing you "struggle" through yours. And from that, I humbly say I have found the courage to go on through these unchartered waters in the next turn of this crossroad:
No matter how painful it is for me to leave, it is here and now that I will have to say my farewell, before I board the next train leading to the other track. Our paths may not cross again, but I've always took comfort in the fact that I've become a part of your lives, even if its just for 5 periods each week. To me, its the best 5 periods of my life that I get to spend with you boys and girls. Cos by and large, despite the scoldings, you have been the most wonderful batch of Bio students I've ever taught! Remember that!
All the best and Study Very Hard for next year's O Levels!! Make sure you set a goal for yourselves and know what kind of person you really want to be in future. You need to know your direction & purpose, because passion, drive and determination alone won't get you far because when you leave JVS, there will be ppl who will always be trying to lead you astray. I will always be praying for your success. May you get a set of results you and your parents would be proud of come Feb 2009.
Sincerely Yours,
Mr Kamarul
Your Biology Teacher (Jan 2007 - Nov 2007)
